Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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