My sheets look like a crime scene.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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