if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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