the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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