yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen