man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody