There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no