Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
So much puke
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..