How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
