ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
