I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
