Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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