Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
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Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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