Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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