Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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