I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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