Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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