dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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