Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Small penises have feelings too.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
