I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
