i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
