i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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