just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
