i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
