Define "chronic" masturbator.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
