you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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