Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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