You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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