how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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