He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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