But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
