i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
