yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
