NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My pussy is not your playground.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
