I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
