i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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