White coat. Heels.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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