the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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