So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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