She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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