I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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