Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize