I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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