you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
