I hate all girls vehemently.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
