i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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