I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
