he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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