We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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