I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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