We won't sleep together?
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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