it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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