Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
