Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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