All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
