god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
