were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize