You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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