it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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