i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
