She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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