i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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