I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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