I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
