So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize