Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
