Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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