There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
